Responsibility

So what do you do if you’re in a competitive relationship? Like any adolescent, you need to grow up and take responsibility – for yourself. So it makes no difference how weak or strong your partner is. Sooner of later you need to stop projecting and take a look at yourself. If you’re not getting what you want in your relationship, then you need to stop blaming and take responsibility for getting it for yourself. If you don’t like the situation you’re in, then you need to change it. And if your partner won’t, or can’t, co-operate and negotiate with you, then it’s time to rethink that partnership, because it isn’t really a partnership; it’s a collusion. You are colluding in keeping each other weak, down, adolescent and preventing each other from growing. If you don’t both have the same aims for the relationship or want the same things from life, then you may need to go your separate ways. And you need to take responsibility for that too.

Adolescence, leaving home, stepping out into the world, can be seen as a great adventure. If you have been in a dependent relationship, then stepping out alone can be exhilarating, exciting, and, yes, scary too. But it’s less likely to be destructive or undermining. What’s important is that you take care of yourself, you own needs and your self esteem. If the way you are relating with someone is bringing you ‘down’ then you need to look at how you can change that, with or without them and by taking responsibility for yourself, rather than expecting them to.

You will find there is an enormous amount of satisfaction to be gained from taking up your own power, rather than attempting to get it at the expense of someone else, who is also bringing you down by getting theirs at your expense. You cannot afford to pay that price – which is ongoing.