Rage and Anger

When I hear the expression anger management, I get angry, because this is in fact rage management. Anger and rage are not the same. Anger is clear and clean and assertive. Rage is impotent. It is a reaction against the pain of helplessness. Rage is a very early emotion. It is a temper tantrum. But you carry it through into adult life, believing you are helpless when you are not and then behaving accordingly.

Because of its impotence, rage in ineffective. It doesn’t get resolved. It explodes, loud and hot and uncontrolled – or it implodes, turns inwards and becomes self destructive. Anger is cool and calm and constructive. Rage is inarticulate because it is pre-verbal, but anger can be expressed in meaningful and effective words. That is why rage is self-perpetuating, continuous, circular, because you are not heard and not taken seriously; you do not take yourself seriously or say what you want.

Rage can be converted into anger if you direct it constructively. Just as a child having a tantrum can calmly be asked what it is they want; in other words what they feel helpless about, so you can ask yourself what you feel helpless about, what you want, and then ask for it or find ways to get it for yourself.

You are never as helpless as you believe you are. You are far more potent when you identify the pain you are raging AGAINST and turn it into anger ABOUT and then articulate that anger, say what your needs are. Then you have the power to resolve it. And it works.