Boundaries

Boundaries are not barriers. They protect. They do not defend. If boundaries were defences, you would constantly be at war. A boundary is like a semi-permeable membrane. It keeps out what you don’t want but lets in what you do. Barriers block everything – they let nothing in and nothing out. You get no nourishment and you cannot share anything.

Making a boundary is a loving decision. It lets other people know where they stand with you. Conversely, not making a boundary is unkind, to yourself and others. ‘No’ is a boundary and also a complete sentence.

If you feel angry, it’s time to make a boundary, to say where you stand, what you want and what you don’t. Expressing anger is making a boundary and you have a right to do that.

You state your limitations when you make a boundary. It is helpful to others to know where your limits are. Limits are not restrictions. Healthy boundaries are flexible; they are there for your safety and the safety of others. Boundaries are your choice, based on judgement and discrimination; you have a right to make them.

You use boundaries to contain, not to control; and to separate and define yourself. You use them to maintain your integrity. They are an act of discipline.