Suffering

Suffering makes me think of martyrdom and then I feel angry. All that self denial doesn’t work for me. I’m too sensitive. I pick up the anger and pain that’s being denied. Martyrs get no sympathy and no thanks from me.

I think some suffering is passively accepted when it need not be; and some is self imposed.

But is all suffering something bad or unpleasant you experience or are subjected to? Not necessarily. I had to look this up in the dictionary. Suffering used to mean allowing, tolerating. Sometimes you need to tolerate feelings, circumstances, conditions you didn’t consciously choose, on a temporary basis.

I call this process. It’s a movement through suffering adversity that takes you from A to B. You can choose whether you see yourself as a victim of that or a willing participant in it. You can take responsibility for it and make a conscious decision to go through it – or you can deny, avoid, resist and fight it. The latter will cause more suffering. I think short term suffering can be sweet and healing, whereas the kind of suffering that comes from adding pain to pain is long and enduring.

I’ve been a bit quiet this week. I’ve been ‘suffering’ a broken wisdom tooth until, with the help of my excellent dentist, I could make a decision, which, finally, was to remove it. For me that was a process. As it heals I will come to know where that process has taken me. I know where it started.

Maybe I’m wiser now and don’t need it any more -:).